Friday, 30 May 2008

Images of Us and how we really see ourselves

There are various images portrayed in the media, from the asexual black mammy Aunt Jemima types, hip hop girls to the hip hop porn girls. So where does the real women fit in all this stereotype. The top image is of Dove soap, they ran a campaign of real women, no touching up and they got members of the public to be in their campaign, although people welcomed it, however many did not like it, is it because they are so use to airbrush females, with no flaws. Jennifer Hudson is a lovely woman of our times, she is curvaceous and she is like an everyday woman, she is comfortable with her size and she looks lovely, nice smile, glossy hair. The famous Video vixen, with her ample bottom, usually found hip hop videos, not all but the more sexual ones. Teena Taylor is a hip hop artist, she is pretty, a teenager and she models also, she writes her own material. Hattie McDaniel, the most famous maid, the ultimate black mammy and Aunt Jemima, she is fat, asexual and she is non-threatening, well she would be, because she is too busy looking after Miss Southern Belle, Scarlett O'Hara. Buffy the body, would be found in King magazine and other male magazines, as Sir Mix-a-lot said from his song 'Baby got back'. He was celebrating the black female bottom, while Cosmo magazine was trying to tell us that we were just fat, he was saying that is the shape of black women. From the Africa, South America, West Indies, women with their ample in their bottoms are living perfectly normal lives, they are married have children, some get divorced and get married again. Grannie is her eigthies, still looking hot with her ample bottom . I was born and brought up in England, United Kingdom. My parents came from Guyana, South America. As soon as I became a teenager and my breasts and bottom grew. I was told that my breasts were too big and so was my bottom, and my mother would tell me, I have the body of my ancestors and we are from good stock, also it is amazing how African features, full lips, our nose, our skin, our breasts, we were characterised as being whores, while the other girls, who were mostly white were virgins, which was not true of course, most of the girls at my school were no longer virgins by the time, they were fourteen. They knew about French kissing by the time, they were twelve. The two middle pictures are of two African women, an ordinary woman and the Ethiopian/Israeli model Esti Mamo, the last pictures is of Esther Baxter, who was a video vixen, changed to clothes modeling and now, she has given up modelling and she is gone back to college. She is was married, but her husband could not deal with the attention, she was getting, so they got divorced. There are two images that the media love, of black women is the mammy and the whore. Have you know noticed in all the main stream films, black women can only be play best friends to the lead character, although she may be slim, still she again is the black mammy, she is asexual. Although African American/African/Caribbean media are taking back their images of how they want to see us, their women, other companies like BET have been highly criticized from the showing black women as video vixens, again the whore, slappers, sluts. We know that all women in all races have prostitutes. Even black people themselves seem to get caught up in the illusion, that if a black woman is educated, listens to classical music, visits art galleries, reads speaks correct English, is is acting white, somehow being ignorant, loud, listening to Snoop Dog, 50 Cent, dancing in a dance hall style, speaking badly, she is acting black. I went to see a friend a few years ago and I remarked about the amount of books, she had and she told me that I was the first person, who showed any interest in her books, because a black young man told her that because she has a lot of books in her house, she would only date white guys, which is certainly not true. We forget that we have African american and black writers, poets, scientists, doctors, lawyer, preachers, businessman and women, architects, fashion designers, Rabbis, there is a African American female Rabbi in training in Israel right now. Where did we get this notion that marriage is for 'white people'. Marriage is for everybody. Why does 50 cent, Nelly, Snoop Dog, get more publicity, as compared to Jill Scott, who is a brilliant songwriter and singer, why are we so focused on R Kelly and everyone knows what he was like. We criticize Beyonce and Rhianna, saying that they are fake, or maybe Beyonce has more credibility because she is know married to Jay-Z. Black women seem to be under attack from the enemies within and the outside world. We don't get the protection that other women get. Our so-called leaders are a big let down, they do not protect us. So what do we do? We form alliances with people who care about us, and others who don't, we distance ourselves from them. We are here to make a change, but not to save people. We make changes in our own lives and others around either will change themselves or we have to move on without them. Everyone is responsible for his or own stewardship.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Relationships, Weddings and Marriage

Relationships, weddings and marriages
Relationships, weddings and marriages have changed over the last forty years. There is something wonderful about people falling in love, getting married. I remember when I was younger, I would go to a lot of weddings. We are living in a time, in which our major cities, like London, Manchester, New York, California, Stockholm, Paris and other countries have people of many different nationalities and many faiths. So it is understandable that people will fall in love with people of different races. Physical attraction is the first thing, you notice about the person, height, colour of eyes, colour of hair, shape of the body, then after the initial attraction, people start to get to know each other, the sense of humour, the little things etc, people do for each other. The excitement being with each other. I have visited a lot of blogs done by black women who are interracial marriages, they would write about the happiness of their marriages, the funny things that happen in their life, and even though their husbands would drive them crazy, the more years they spend with their husbands, they are more in love with their husbands, then ever. However unfortunately there is the dark side, people verbally abusing each other, calling them sellouts, traitors and the language of abuse, swearing, cursing.
I remember one time, when I was working, an English man, who was blond and had blue eyes, married an Italian, she had long hair hair and dark eyes. Matthew had pictures of Isabella, all over his computer and work area. They were married for only a year and he gushed about Isabella, he loved the way her hair moved when she walked and I saw pictures of her, he kept in his wallet, she was expecting their first child. He was so happy. Sharon was also English, she was blonde hair and blue hair, she was also married and had two children of her own. She became obsessed with Matthew, she 'fancied him like crazy' and she said that he should not have married his wife, because he was blond and she was dark. They didn't look good together and now that his wife is pregnant, the children won't look good. I said that he is in love with his wife. She replied 'yes, I know but some people need guidance', and then she went on to discuss why she didn't approve of interracial marriages, the only thing, she would say that the children is mixed raced couples were beautiful. I started to look at this further, some black men get mad when they see black women with white and non-black men, they justify the fact that the ladies are 'settling' and one man on youtube felt that if the 'brothas' sorted themselves out, many of the black women who return to the black men. You get black women angry, that white women are taking the few black men that are left, because there is so much statistics about there is so few available of decent black men, the rest are in prisons, on drugs, have many baby mothers and are bisexual. There is a shortage of 'good black men' and if they are dating other white and non-black women, the women feel that their chance for marriage is gone. You get white women who are equally hysterical, because the white man they want is with a black woman, the flirting, flouting, is just over the top. Women who have broken up with their boyfriend over a year, since when they hear he is now has a black girlfriend, fiancee or wife, suddenly want to be friends with their ex-boyfriends, some actually confront the women about her relationship and 'I can't believe that he would be with someone like you', or 'are you really together'. 'I didn't think, that he was your type'. Then you get people analysing the interracial relationships, why would he like her, why would she like him, they are not suited and they would carry on like if they are relationship experts. Even in same race relationship, we as a society don't want husband and wives spend time together, society puts a strain on marriages, husbands and wives can spend time with their families and friends, but not each other. No wonder sometimes the divorce rate is high, sometimes I wonder if we really want marriages or just partnerships to produce children. Our religious institutions have not helped at all, in some cases they have made matters worse.
I would say that the statistics are a lot of rubbish, there are plenty, decent black, white, asian or what ever you want in the world. There is plenty women out there too, who are kind, wonderful women. There are beautiful men and women in all races. One of the names of God is El Shaddai, which is Hebrew from God Almighty. God Almighty likes things big and he loves variety. He has give us an abundance of men and women to pick from, we just have to pick the right person for us. Variety is the spice of life. So whatever man or women you want they are available to you, you just have to believe. You shouldn't use other people eyes to tell you that you are beautiful, regardless of the media tells you, if you know you are beautiful, you are beautiful. See your beautiful from your own eyes. Be with a man or woman who you really like, don't sell yourself short, because you will be disappointed. Don't be with someone, who you are expected to be with, if your family, friends don't like it, well they are not living your life. Unfortunately our family want the best for us, but sometimes they don't always know what is best for us, we and we alone have to decide that for ourselves. As for our friends sometimes we outgrow them, they want different things, and we have to accept that.
Where to people learn about relationships? from their own parents, they look at their friends. I honestly now realise that there is a sizable amount of people who marry for what they can get, and have never married because they love each other, so when they see people of different races or same racial groups, husbands and wives who actually are in love and still in love after five, ten or numerous amount of years, jealousy raises it ugly head and they see what they don't have in their own lives. It is easy to draw on the different racial groups, because you can see the difference in colour, but with same racial group, what do you look for, she is dark and you are blond, you don't look good together, or she is dark skinned and he is light skinned. Dark skinned women are not attractive, and your children won't have nice hair. People are too busy concentrating on the physical aspects and they can't see the deeper aspect, they are just good together, they are both happy, really happy. He maybe was never a smiler, but since he is married, he smiles more, she is always laughing. He adores his children. With his children, he can be a boy again and can play with them. He can take his sons to football and she can take her daughter shopping and they can get their hair done together. Even though he and she will have their different tastes, yet he likes her company, they still go out on dates. I know a man who loved Valentines, because he loved picking the chocolates, so he and his wife could enjoy them, she loves the strawberry filled centres and he loves the nut centre chocolates and people would argue there was not need for that after they have been married for over thirty years, but he argued it was a must for them.
The two people who inspired me is the story about was Mr and Mrs Richard and Mildred Loving, when the lawyers asked them to come to the Supreme court to hear their verdict, he said that they wouldn't come, but he told the lawyers, they must tell the court. 'I love my wife', and that what boils down to it. He loves his wife, she loves her husband. What every physical differences they have if long dark hair, dark eyes, light eyes, light hair spongy hair, soft skin, skin colours in chocolate, vanilla, caramel, mocha, mahoney, golden, beige, peach, magnolia. They love each other.

Sunday, 4 May 2008

My hair

I have my hair natural. I have been natural for nearly six years now, and I love it. It is so easy for me to look after my hair. I use Aloe vera gel, castor oil, extra virgin oil, MSM, glycerine and rosewater. My favourite styles are usually twists, flat twists and bunti knots.

I rinse daily, using conditioner about one teaspoon, about small amount of MSM, aloe vera gel and I add some glycerine and rosewater, all this is added to a bottle of 50 ml, I put a little water to mix the contents thoroughly, then add distilled water to fill the bottle. I put a stocking on my hair and pour my rinse over my hair, wrap my hair with a towel, after I finished showering, my hair would be damp and I add a castor oil, aloe vera gel mixture to my roots. I try to massage my hair daily.